The Movie in my Mind

( So this is my kickass room.  )

Hahahah, I love it.

Take your favorite song. Put a verse into Google language tools or Babelfish. Translate from English to German. Translate from German to French. Translate from French to English. Post the results and let your friends guess which song:

"to cook the sun surely goes down to the bottom, but the moon increases slowly, therefore this old world must be to slip by still ' approximately and me still loves you "

And this is why I love Chuck Palahniuk:

"Just for the record, the weather today is foggy with widely conflicting stories about your father's cause of death."

Haven't finished it yet, but I definitely recommend this book. Alice, if you haven't read it yet, you should borrow it when I'm done.

So guess what was possibly dead last on the list of things Leigh wanted to do tonight. Yeah, that would be watching 24. Exciting.

In 3 more days, I'll be here.



Of course, it'll be around -100 degrees around this time of year.

Then in 5 days it'll be my birthday! :) Yay birthday.

And in 6 days I'll be home! So someone better be excited about that! :D

But so what. Me too. :)

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Leigh+F

Haha, so the great thing about this haircut is it'll do just about anything. So we've been playing lots. And taking pictures, of course!

( Round two )

Yay for short hair. It feels really weird right now still, but I like it. So here's pictures!

( Not a soccer mom! )

Okay, so I just showed Mel, and the fact that she didn't hate it too much is now motivating me to post it here. So for those of you who don't know, I really want a haircut. A short haircut. And I've been having a really hard time finding one that doesn't make me look uber-gay or like a 12 year old boy. And I just found one that I kinda like, and that happened to be really similar to a picture I have of me. So I really quickly just Photoshop-ed it onto me. Ignore the different skin tones and all that, I just wanted a basic idea of what it would look like on me. So just take a look. And give it a minute, cause it seems really weird at first, but after a while it starts to look a little more normal, and then tell me what you think, please! ;)


( Short Haircut )

So this is why I hate coming back to school. I spend all last night and this morning packing up like, everything I own to bring it back. Then, I leave, and it's beautiful out at home, and I get here and it's cold and raining, and there's still snow on the ground. And then I get to carry all my crap in and unpack it all right away. Yay. Just what I was hoping for. I mean seriously, it's not even the being back that I don't like, it's the coming back. I hate it. And plus I hate being spoiled for five weeks and then having this. I still feel like when I get in bed tonight she should be there. And she won't be. And I hate that. It's hard to get so used to having her there. Even just sitting and reading. If I was home, at least she'd be next to me, reading too, or on the computer or something. It's just hard getting used to her not being here right now.

So I looked it up online, and state law in MA is that you have to keep schools at like 66-68 degrees. Now thanks to my powers of scientific deduction, and the fact that I know you shouldn't be able to see your breath at those temperatures, this leads me to believe that my school is not heating my room as much as it should. Yay for the scientific method. The girl across the hall from me is actually doing an experiment for one of her classes and is taking the temperatures outside her door and outside one of the doors on the other side of the fire door in the hallway to see how big the difference actually is. Feels like a good 15 degrees at least, but we'll see. I slept in a sweatshirt last night, and woke up this morning with absolutely no voice. I love being sick right in time for finals. Great. So now I gotta try to call Fac Man and yell at them some more, cause this is just getting ridiculous.

Don't worry, I hadn't forgotten. Pretty simple. so if you want me to change anything, just let me know. Hysterical site, by the way. :D

Warning: Really long, possibly pointless post. I just felt like getting it all down somewhere.

Okay, so when I was talking to Jess last night (and also from many other conversations over the past couple weeks) I started thinking about this a lot more. And here, I think (it might change even over the course of this entry) is what I've decided: people expect too much out of love. I think that people expect love to just sort of happen and come in and fix everything. And I just don't think that's it. I see so many people that I know who are absolutely amazing people rip themselves up one way and down the other waiting for someone to come in, and tell them they're beautiful and make everything better. And honestly, it's a plan that really is doomed to failure. How can you expect someone else to like you if you don't? I mean, if you spend all your time obsessing over all the things that you think are wrong with you, how can you expect any of the other stuff to come through? People stifle their own beauty and then feel like they've somehow been proven right when noone can see it.

And I'm not saying that someone else can't help the process. Obviously being with Jess has changed me. I am not at all the same person that I was three years ago. Not even close. I don't see myself the same way, and I don't expect others to either. And I think that that's helped me realize that other people can only see of me what I give them. Wanting other people to recognize the changes in you really makes you notice how people see you. But at the same time, it's not just that Jess thinks I'm pretty that's enough. It can't be, because then what would I do when she's not here? I think that there's a balance between thinking that you're hot and everyone should want you, and realizing that there are aspects of yourself that someone would find attractive, even if it's just one person. I obviously don't expect everyone else to think of me the way Jess does. (Haha, although it would be pretty damn funny). And I don't even think of myself the way that she does. But I don't think of myself the same way that I used to. And I think that a big part of it is that instead of wondering what's wrong with me, I'm aware of some of the stuff that's not. And that makes a huge difference.

Also, I just don't know how much you can love someone if you don't like yourself on your own. Besides just the fact that how you see yourself comes off to other people. Even if someone could see through all that, and still find all the stuff in you that they think is beautiful, how much could you love them? I mean, if you love someone, you want to be a part of their lives, and have them be a part of yours. If you don't even like your own life, how can you say that you would want to bring someone else into it, especially someone that you love. I think that loving someone is about sharing yourself with them, and for that to be a real sentiment, you have to at least believe in what you're sharing.

Another thing I was thinking about is what Didy and I were talking about in Blanchard. We were talking about how lots of people we know seem to be afraid of monogamy. And honestly, when people ask how long Jess and I have been together, they almost always ask "Doesn't it get boring?" And I just don't think that the two are comparable. When I was talking to Didy, we were talking about how so many people seem to just makeout with whoever's available at the time because it makes them feel "wanted". And I said that I don't think they understand the difference between being "wanted" and being "convenient". I mean, if you get naked and a guy gets turned on, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're special. Odds are, it just means that you're naked. If it was someone else? He'd probably still be turned on. There's a big difference between that and having someone know every part of you, and having them see you at your best and your worst and still not be able to keep their hands off you. And that means that you have to let someone know you that well, and also understand what parts of you it is that they find irresistible. And that you have to do on your own. If you're not willing to find the parts of you that you like, how can you hope for more than just the fleeting excitement of someone making out with you? It doesn't seem to make sense to me.

I'm not really sure what the point of all that was... But maybe soon I'll have an epiphany. ;) Here's hoping.

Other Warning: This is all just stuff made up by me, so I can't advise putting too much stock in it. We all know some of the brilliant ideas I've come up with in my life.

Edit: ITunes on random. shoulda mentioned that. :)


1. Do I have any secrets?
Angel's Son - Sevendust

Life is changing, i can't go on without you,
Rearranging, i will be strong, i'll stand by you,

hmmm...ambiguous..

2. Am I likeable?
Push - Sarah McLachlan

Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land

ummm... apparently to someone? :)

3. Does someone have a crush on me?
Happy Endings - All-American Rejects

One- more thing before I go
Two- the one who loves me so
Three- don't make me count to three again

kinda ambiguous again

4. Do I have surprises in my future?
Over the Rainbow - Me First and the Gimme Gimmes

Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up when the clouds are far
behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Haha, well, that would surprise me.

5. Am I a good lover?
Viva Forever - Spice Girls

Both of us were dreamers
Young love in the sun
Felt like my saviour
My spirit I gave you
We'd only just begun
Hasta Manana Always be mine
Viva Forever I'll be waiting
Everlasting Like the sun

Haha, oh Spice Girls, tell me my future. :) But umm... I'm gonna go with a yes.

6. Anything else we should know about me?
Dieu, que le monde est injuste - Notre Dame

Haha, well, other than the fact that I have an abundance of french music on my computer? Apparently that I'm a love-stricken hunchback. Yeah, and you all thought you knew me.

So last weekend was fun. Bowling Saturday night with Jessie, Mandy, and Ryan was awesome! :) I missed you guys. Haha, Jessie was horrible at bowling...until she started bowling through her legs. Which I just don't understand. But it was amusing nonetheless. And Ryan lost to the girls. :) Cause we're pretty, obviously.

Then Sunday night was umm... interesting....and possibly slightly illegal, haha. Why were there so many fire extinguishers??? Did they like, insulate the place with matches?? It was crazy. Some pretty crazy stuff, anyways.

Today is our two and a half year anniversary. Which makes me happy :)

And I guess that's about it.



Oh, and ps... blaming your own shit on other people? Lame....

So today, my day consisted of a total of about 4 hours of chem, and also 3 hours of chem lab added onto that, during which I somehow managed to get a nice sodium hydroxide burn on my arm. 3 hours of calc, and an hour and a half of computer science at 8:35 in the morning, and of course getting my period tonight. Yay life....







Kill me in the face.

I moved the desk and shelves in my dorm... I like it a lot better. It was really bothering me where the shelves were. And plus this makes it a lot easier when Jess and I watch movies, cause I don't have to move my whole computer, just turn it. Very handy. That was my exciting weekend. Yup.

Is it bad that I miss her already? Cause I really do.

And my attempt to cheer myself up is to bring back the CSI icon I made a while ago.

So I was bored and redid the layout of my livejournal. Gosh my life is interesting. :) And I hate ISIS cause I can't figure out how to make my schedule next semester work out.

And two weeks ago Bry turned 21, which just seems weird to me.

But I've started playing tennis again, cause I'm going out for the team in the spring. I missed it. It feels really good to actually be doing something again. Maybe it'll motivate me a little more. :)

So you need to tell me what kind of icon you actually want, but I played around with a few pictures and made this. Same lines as the one I just made myself, basically, just added both of you to the background. But anyways, if you want something different just let me know. :)



I had issues with making you look proportional to each other... but I think it turned out not too bad.

I was bored, and helping Sarah Binns the other day made me miss playing around in Photoshop. So I looked for fun pictures on my computer, and played around with them. Don't know how long I'll keep it, but it was still fun to make one again.

Which reminds me, Jessie, let me know what kind of icon you want, and I'll make you one if you want.